Unlocking ADHD writer Natalie Ho talks with Esmond Wee about his journey with ADHD, and the people who helped him through it.
Not many could say they have experienced what Esmond has. With a successful career after co-founding local music label Secret Signals, as well as being the director of clothing distributor Practical Measures, most would think he should have no trouble with his daily life. What many may not realise is that he is also diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). This is Esmond’s story – the ups, downs, and everything in between.
The Why
Esmond was not diagnosed with ADHD in his childhood, but he recounts having trouble focusing during his classes. “It seemed like I could pay attention if it was something I felt interested in,” he says during our interview, “If it wasn’t interesting, I just wouldn’t give a damn.” He had learned to cope with this symptom between his teenage years and most of his adulthood.
Ultimately, he decided to get diagnosed about three or so years ago, after a series of events and observations.
One of these events was when he went on a holiday in Japan and met up with a long-time friend.
“He had been diagnosed for maybe five, ten years already (…), and he started noticing my behaviour.” Esmond explains that he was sensitive to sound and light, and during that trip to Japan, it was particularly bad. The six kids and four adults were all staying in a small house, and the floors of Japanese houses are thinner than those in Singapore. “When you stomped,” Esmond said, “Wah, the echo.” The sensory overload had caused him to “shut down”. However, his friend had recognised the symptoms of ADHD presenting in Esmond’s actions and had suggested to Esmond to get diagnosed.
Another reason Esmond decided to get diagnosed was his daughter. “She was starting to act a lot like me,” the father of three said, having caught her inability to organise and focus, as well as her struggles with daily activities like taking the correct bus. Wanting to make sure that she had similar symptoms, Esmond decided to get diagnosed first, and simultaneously checked the boxes for his daughter’s behaviour. His diagnosis was motivated by her, he said, joking afterwards that “If not, I probably would have thought I’m just a weird guy.”
The catalyst for getting the diagnosis, however, was when his business shut down. “I had to run things on my own again,” including administration, which Esmond described as “when everything started crumbling again”.
It was then that he remembered his friend’s words, and he made the plunge to get diagnosed.
Getting Diagnosed
Esmond found a psychologist who specialised in ADHD through his wife. While that connection may be strange to some, with his psychologist and his wife being friends, he was fairly nonchalant. “When you have lived with ADHD your whole life, you don’t care what people think about you, because every step of the way has been a struggle. There’s a fair bit of resilience you buil(d) up.”
Esmond went through the ADHD assessment with his psychologist, including the Test of Variables of Attention(TOVA) assessment, which confirmed his ADHD. “It was a relief,” he said, “but also not a surprise.”
Support and Love
“The last three-plus years (since getting diagnosed) has been learning how to balance between knowing that you have it, learning how to fit into today’s society with it, and knowing how to make things better for yourself and your loved ones.” Esmond did not want to use his ADHD as a crutch, and his awareness of his diagnosis amplified the weight of any mistakes he could make.
It helps that he has not been alone.
“My wife covers some of the other parts (of fatherhood) that I’m not good at,” Esmond said, stressing the importance of communication, especially when it came to disagreements.
Esmond also remembers the outpouring of support after he had been diagnosed. Friends who also had ADHD reached out, and those that didn’t come to apologise for getting angry at habits and actions now knew that he could not control them.
Moving Forward
To Esmond, ADHD is not a condition. It is a part of a journey, one that he is still learning to navigate.
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